I had a constant underlying feeling of
unworthiness. I couldn't shake it, I had moments of letting it go
where I would realise I was whole and fulfilled as I am during a
meditation but when I wasn't meditating the feeling would creep back.
I kept trying to find my worthiness in being a mum, in being a house
wife, by thinking up ways I could earn money, by growing myself
spiritually and even in words from Deepak Chopra:
“...The awakening of your
awareness is an immeasurable gift you are giving to the world. Even
without social interaction, your spiritual awakening uplifts and
clears the path for countless others in collective consciousness.
A spiritual life purpose may not seem very impactful, or
generous compared to being a surgeon or a teacher, but in fact it
fulfills a critical spiritual need in the world, all the more so
because it is unseen and undervalued. Think of yourself as the hermit
or yogi who quietly brings peace and harmony to her village without
anyone knowing.” https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/5170
Even after realising logically that
everything I did was worth something I still felt unworthy so
I turned to my guides for some insight. My guides pointed out that
the word “worth” is associated with a dollar amount, it's how
much I felt I was worth in currency. As a stay at home mum, my
partner brings in our income so my contribution in dollars is zero,
therefore I put my own worth at nothing, subconsciously of course and
hence why I felt so bad! As I thought through this and dragged
up my subconscious feelings I noticed that I had felt unworthy or
worth nothing, I felt like I didn't deserve set things because they
were worth so much and I wasn't worth that much and
that I'd been identifying myself with a figure, or lack there of. I
felt unworthy of my basic needs because I'd adopted the belief
that you need money for those things therefore if you don't earn
money you don't deserve them.
I soon awoken to my mistake of thinking
my worth came from a dollar amount and decided to even stop using
that word toward myself. Even if I were to say I'm worth all the
money in the world, I'm still degrading myself because I'm saying
money is worth more than I am and my existence! Identifying yourself
with money is like identifying yourself with the house you reside in,
the car you drive and the stuff you've accumulated, these are not you
nor even an extension of you.
We are spiritual beings having a human
experience. Money is a number in an account we have which we trade
for things. Money is even less than things and I'm comparing
myself to it! We can't possibly measure our worthiness because we are
divine and to put any measurement on ourselves based on what we be,do
or have is mistakenly thinking we are finite. We are
immeasurable, infinite consciousness, we are all there is, has been
and ever will be. How could we ever think about, even for a second,
what we are worth because to say we are worth something is to
put that something above us. We are that something, we are the
energy in which all things exist so really, it's impossible to even
measure up against anything and even if we are measuring, I believe
we are worth a lot more than money itself.
Love and Peace
Belinda
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