Sunday, 15 March 2015

Ailments and Self Love

    Healing my body through emotional healing 

     I have come to believe that all illness is caused by our emotional well being. For a while I was confused as to how this could be as I'd grown up being taught that you catch illnesses from other people, some people are just allergic to things, periods are painful, childbirth is painful and accidents happen but I have found that since reading up on the emotional cause of my ailments, it always fits with my current inner feelings. Every ailment I have, I head to Google and type in the ailment along with "Louise Hay". I have times where I think it doesn't fit but as someone who has always turned inward I eventually work out that it does.


    Last year in January we became pregnant with our fifth child (my third pregnancy as two of the children are step kids) I had many of the typical pregnancy aliments. At first I believed I had them because well, I believed I would have them. I was expecting the ailments as many women share their horror stories to the point that it's now just believed that pregnancy is hard (which I now no longer believe pregnancy has to be hard) and I'm a firm believer in law of attraction and what you believe, you create. Plus I'd had ailments in my first 2 pregnancies so saw it as, "This is me and how my body reacts". However, as I Googled the ailments along with "Louise Hay" I began noticing a pattern. So much so I started to think Ms Hay had simply written pretty much the same for all illnesses and pains, I had to look through lists to realise there were other reasons for ailments that I didn't have.

    All of my pregnancy pains, illnesses and negative "symptoms" pointed to fear, not trusting the process of life, fear of the future and not wanting to move forward. I had very typical symptoms such as:
    • Heartburn: Fear
    • Joint pains: Bottled up hurt. “Arthritis is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism.  First of all, criticism of the self, and then criticism of other people.  Arthritic people often attract a lot of criticism because it is their pattern to criticize.  They are cursed with “perfectionism,” the need to be perfect at all times in every situation. ”  You Can Heal Your Life. ~ Louise Hay
    • Restless legs: Legs represent moving forward. Problems in the legs comes from fear of the future.
    • Fatigue: Chronic fatigue and other auto-immune disorders is an inner conflict between dependence and independence.
      chronic fatigue and other auto-immune disorders is an inner conflict between dependence and independence. - See more at:
     It's quite easy to think "Oh it's just pregnancy". However, if we stop and pay attention to these ailments we realise a couple of things. One thing is that there are many women all over the world who have wonderful pregnancies and births. I did a HypnoBirthing course and witnessed many women who had a beautiful, pain-free birth (and I know exactly why my birth didn't turn out the same) but within our culture, pregnancy and birth have become highly feared. This goes back into history and the suppression of women, I highly recommend HypnoBirthing to better understand that pregnancy and birth can actually be wonderful experiences and to be able to have a wonderful experience yourself. It is the fear that causes the pain.

    I was scared and was also trying to work through that fear with meditation and relaxation techniques. If you've ever been pregnant, you know that hormones are raging and every emotion you feel is times a thousand, so my stress and fear were massive. I was nesting, my partner was in-between jobs at times, then he was working commission which was never consistent, we were talking about moving house and not just any move, but we were contemplating moving to the country for the first time. We were also contemplating crazy stuff like moving to an empty block of land and building while living in a demountable or something small which just threw my stress sky high plus living in the main parts of suburbia is full of stressful energy. I had my heart set on a home birth and in the past had had my babies in hospitals. I was unsure of my home, my security and myself. When you're pregnant you just want to nest and settle and most of all, feel safe.

    My beautiful baby boy, who I love dearly, is now 6 months old. My partner is working now and loves his job, we have settled, well almost, we just need to find a home to buy.

    Gluten and Lactose Intolerance 

    I've recently found out that I'm gluten intolerant and lactose intolerant. As I came off gluten, my body was healing and toxins were coming out of my body causing other short term ailments such as mild rashes, stomach pains, abdominal pains, joint pains and more. Let's take a look at these:
    • Rash: Oversensitive, insecure, fearful.
    • Stomach problems: Dread. Fear of the new. Inability to assimilate the new.
    • Abdominal Pains: Fear. Stopping the process.
    • Allergies: WHO are you allergic to? Denying your own power.
    • Joint pains: Bottled up hurt. “Arthritis is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism.  First of all, criticism of the self, and then criticism of other people.  Arthritic people often attract a lot of criticism because it is their pattern to criticize.  They are cursed with “perfectionism,” the need to be perfect at all times in every situation. ”  You Can Heal Your Life. ~ Louise Hay
    • Leg Pains: Legs represent moving forward. Problems in the legs comes from fear of the future.
    I'd spoken to my friend and she had said that my symptoms point to fear of the future. I was confused thinking, "I didn't fear the future?" At first, I put it down to being too much into the now. We moved to the country we've been absolutely loving it. It's so peaceful out here! Life is at a slower pace, it's easy going and all the stresses of the city are gone. We don't have irrational stresses and fears anymore. We ask ourselves, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" We are very happy so having fear of the future didn't make sense to me.

    I sat in the car on our way home trying to contemplate what my fear of the future could be. I actually appreciate having ailments because I see it as my subconscious or my higher self trying to awaken me consciously to my automatic negative thoughts and feelings towards myself and life. It clicked. Tom and I had discussed having 2 babies, one now and another within 2 years because our youngest above our baby is 7 and we wanted our baby to have a friend. I was afraid of pregnancy and birth and knew we had it planned for our future.   

     When I got home I sat to try and sort out my fears, I thought they were all little fears compiled to create all my ailments. As I thought through I eventually came to the conclusion within myself that all of the little fears stemmed from one fear and that was, the fear of not being good enough which is also not loving myself.

    Bug Bites

    Months ago when I was pregnant, my pets got fleas. I did everything, I  bathed the pets with flea shampoo then put flea treatment on the backs of their necks, I sprinkled flea powder through the whole house, changed sheets etc. Usually less than this worked to get rid of them but every morning I'd wake up with a fresh set of bites on my legs. I checked my bed over and over and for some reason they were only biting me and not my partner! I would think maybe they were biting me through out the day as I walked around on the carpet or perhaps they liked me more because of my rich pregnancy blood haha! My fiance started saying, maybe it's all in your head. I wouldn't have it and then I looked it up.

    • Bug bites: Guilt over small things.
    I couldn't figure out what this would be but it got to the point where the bites were driving me insane, I couldn't sleep because of the itch. I stood in the shower and counted 25 bites, all insanely itchy and in desperation I turned to my guides and asked what it could be. It finally clicked, I felt guilty about the kids. I home school, I unschool and with all my aliments I was finding it hard to sit down with them during the end of my pregnancy and I became riddled with guilt. As it all clicked I realised my fiance was right, it was all in my head. I dealt with my guilt, realised I was still doing more than enough for my children and I had no more new bites and the old ones were gone in no time!


    These are just a few of my personal examples. I have found my ailments always fit with the emotional reasons Louise Hay or others give and when I deal with them they get better or disappear altogether. This is just my personal experience which I'm sharing in hopes to help others. I'm an advocate for looking within and taking time to love yourself.

    The one thing that I always conclude to whether it be that I'm experiencing an ailment, physical pain or emotional pain from past, present or future is that it always comes down to that I'm not loving myself enough. So here's to knowing we are enough, we are amazing and we are worthy. I love me and I hope you love you! I'm grateful for the wake up call of ailments and negative emotions to remind me to practice self love.


    Life is Like a Video Game

    If I were to be on the Television show, “My Strange Addiction” mine would be my obsession of deep thinking towards life. Too bad I'm slack about writing it all down and sharing it here. I always plan to write here during my times of deep contemplation, those plans just don't come to fruition too often.

    Through out my contemplating I also like to read and research my thoughts as well as meditate and connect to my guides. I always ponder upon why I'm here, who am I? What's my purpose? Although I've had answers, those answers don't satisfy me for long. I'm like a 4 year old going through their “why?” stage and every answer I receive, I still reply with “Why?”

    We are oneness having an experience. We are consciousness itself experiencing itself and becoming aware of itself. We are here to experience and have fun. When we are born we have chosen to forget that we are divine energy and the negativity we go through is to push us to question who we are, life itself and awaken to remembering our true selves, through this process of forgetting and remembering we appreciate ourselves as divine. God is all there is, has been and ever will be, God is the energy or the source of all creation. We are God.

    Even after all these epiphanies which I didn't just hear in my head, but also felt and understood in my heart, there's me still going, “But why?” I'm sure my guides are sick of me by now...

    So last night, once again for the millionth time, I asked my guide, “Why am I here?” I guess those answers didn't quite satisfy me because I've gone through a lot in my life. And I get it, what I've gone through has pushed me to ask questions, deep spiritual questions which have allowed me to remember and experience being my true self. I guess really, when I ask, why I'm here I want my guides to tell me what to do with my life, I want some big, amazing quest to go on but I keep getting, “You are already whole as you are, you are the divine having an experience.” “Let go, just be”. While these are beautiful answers, I don't quite know what I want to do any more (as in, which “career” to pursue) hence why I keep asking the same questions that I already have answers for. Doh!

    My guides are light beings, they are patient and loving so to humor me once more they answered my question. “You are the energy of all there is, manifested into you to have an experience”. Now, I swear my inner child must be about 4 because without fail my reply was, “But why?” My guides replied, “Why do people create and play video games?”

    Let's back up a little here, allow me to explain why my guides would use this analogy. Firstly, I'm a gamer so this is relatable to me. Secondly, through my spiritual practice I've realised I am not my thoughts, feelings or actions. I am that which is aware of those. Just like playing a game in first person, you're not that character, you're the being behind it. Thirdly, I found a couple of explanations of what happens when we die recently and they really satisfied me, one was “It's like waking up from a dream”.The other was, “Life is like looking through a kaleidoscope and when you die, it's like coming away from that kaleidoscope and realising that wasn't you.

    My first thought after my guides asked why people play video games was “Okay, I'm just nuts, it's just me now, my guides wouldn't say that”. Then once I got over the initial shock and denial, it clicked. Life is like a video game. We play to have fun, which is why we're here and as a side note, we go through negativity and hardships to push us to grow and remember who we truly are, we're quite satisfied with ourselves when we push through our ordeals. Even in video games we push ourselves through boring quests, scary monsters and practice the same thing over and over to better ourselves. These are definitely the moments that I become self aware and wonder why I'm playing a game and yet am bored out of my brain.

    Also there's a question that everyone has, “Is life pre-destined or do we have free will?” Of course, as a deep analyzer of life, I asked this question and I have found, that parts of our life are pre-destined and other parts we have free will. However, the pre-destined parts of our life we can still choose not to follow. Did you know we choose our parents before we're born? Couldn't change that one.

    This is like a role playing game, depending which one you play, you can choose the appearance of your character, you choose your race, perhaps a human, dwarf or elf and which one you choose may also influence where you start in the world. You choose male or female, skin colour, hair colour, facial features, body type etc. After you're satisfied with your character's appearance, it's on to choosing your role, will you be a leader, a supporter or protector? Perhaps you will choose to support yourself and your friends with magic. You choose your name, hit the “Create” button and voila, there's your character in the world. From your initial choices, part of your path is pre-destined, you're a magic dealer, you're a support class, you're perhaps an elf and female. As you go out into the world and level up, you can make new choices to go with the ones you chose before you clicked the create button. You may choose to use fire magic or frost, you may choose to follow and complete quests, play against other players, run through and complete dungeons, explore the world and/or build your expertise in your chosen professions.

    Of course this is tiny compared to life but just like a video game, our birth date, name, appearance and parents are all picked out before we're born plus our birth date and name influence our numerology and personality. It's also said that we have already planned main events for our lives before we come here.

    I can see that I chose my childhood, so to speak and this influenced me to be with my first partner, which I then became a gamer and if it wasn't for becoming a gamer the relationship I've now established with my twin flame would not have worked. Everything I've experienced and chosen up until now has created my current experience.

    Also, science is discovering it's as though we are within a hologram and being a part of that “hologram” the whole universe is within us just as the whole of a hologram is in each piece of it. Theorists are saying that nothing is outside of us, everything is in our minds. Perhaps our lives are more like a game than we think.

    So here we are, the energy and consciousness of all playing with form to create us. Let's have fun and play with our experience!