Thursday, 23 April 2015

What Is Your Worth?

I had a constant underlying feeling of unworthiness. I couldn't shake it, I had moments of letting it go where I would realise I was whole and fulfilled as I am during a meditation but when I wasn't meditating the feeling would creep back. I kept trying to find my worthiness in being a mum, in being a house wife, by thinking up ways I could earn money, by growing myself spiritually and even in words from Deepak Chopra:

...The awakening of your awareness is an immeasurable gift you are giving to the world. Even without social interaction, your spiritual awakening uplifts and clears the path for countless others in collective consciousness.
A spiritual life purpose may not seem very impactful, or generous compared to being a surgeon or a teacher, but in fact it fulfills a critical spiritual need in the world, all the more so because it is unseen and undervalued. Think of yourself as the hermit or yogi who quietly brings peace and harmony to her village without anyone knowing.”

Even after realising logically that everything I did was worth something I still felt unworthy so I turned to my guides for some insight. My guides pointed out that the word “worth” is associated with a dollar amount, it's how much I felt I was worth in currency. As a stay at home mum, my partner brings in our income so my contribution in dollars is zero, therefore I put my own worth at nothing, subconsciously of course and hence why I felt so bad! As I thought through this and dragged up my subconscious feelings I noticed that I had felt unworthy or worth nothing, I felt like I didn't deserve set things because they were worth so much and I wasn't worth that much and that I'd been identifying myself with a figure, or lack there of. I felt unworthy of my basic needs because I'd adopted the belief that you need money for those things therefore if you don't earn money you don't deserve them.

I soon awoken to my mistake of thinking my worth came from a dollar amount and decided to even stop using that word toward myself. Even if I were to say I'm worth all the money in the world, I'm still degrading myself because I'm saying money is worth more than I am and my existence! Identifying yourself with money is like identifying yourself with the house you reside in, the car you drive and the stuff you've accumulated, these are not you nor even an extension of you.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Money is a number in an account we have which we trade for things. Money is even less than things and I'm comparing myself to it! We can't possibly measure our worthiness because we are divine and to put any measurement on ourselves based on what we be,do or have is mistakenly thinking we are finite. We are immeasurable, infinite consciousness, we are all there is, has been and ever will be. How could we ever think about, even for a second, what we are worth because to say we are worth something is to put that something above us. We are that something, we are the energy in which all things exist so really, it's impossible to even measure up against anything and even if we are measuring, I believe we are worth a lot more than money itself. 

Love and Peace


Sunday, 19 April 2015

Benefits of Self Awareness

Self awareness is realising that you are that which is aware of your thoughts and feelings, not the thoughts and feelings themsevles. As you think, as emotions rise and fall within you, even as you see, hear, taste, smell, touch etc. you may realise that there is an awareness behind the you that is having these experiences. As you think, there are thoughts running through your mind and a part of you who is listening. With this understanding and acknowledgment you can realise you are not your thoughts and feelings but you are the awareness of them and you can then choose the thoughts and feelings you wish to have.

Many people live on auto-pilot believing they are their thoughts, feelings and beliefs but these are an accumulation of energy which you have held onto and identified with. Not who you are. Recently, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine. As we were chatting we had an epiphany. Everything is vibrating at different frequencies to create an illusion of different things of varying densities. Really, when you get down to it, we and everything else in this universe are all made of the same stuff! Atoms, molecules... and 99.999...% “empty space”! Did you know nothing actually touches anything else? Things levitate over one another. Anyway, our epiphany was an analogy, imagine you are a ball of energy and as this ball, you have collected energy over your life in the form of thoughts, feelings, experiences and beliefs and then you have put them with your energy and identified yourself as this accumulation.

One practice I love is to become aware that I am aware of my thoughts and feelings, as thoughts happen I purposely watch them and sense that I'm aware of them. This practice helps me to detach from thoughts and feelings. As my friend and I were chatting, we realised we don't identify ourselves with our sight or what we hear, as we know these are not us, so it seems just as obvious that we are also not our thoughts or our feelings, they are an experience we are having.

Be aware of yourself and you will grow. Here are some benefits of Self Awareness:
  1. You will sense and know your true self.
  2. You will gain more understanding of yourself and why you do what you do.
  3. You will grow because as you witness old thought patterns and beliefs which no longer serve you, they will drop away. These are happening in the background of your thoughts and will continue happening without awareness. As they drop away you will gain a new understanding and your mind will evolve.
  4. You will gain a better understanding of other people. You will give more compassion and less judgment.
  5. Self awareness provides an opportunity to let go of old thoughts as well as emotions.
  6. You will have the ability to choose thoughts and feelings which serve you to be your best self. Unfortunately, without awareness, affirmations or positive words towards ourselves only layer on top of our subconscious negative thoughts and it is our subconscious which causes our automatic thoughts and feelings and motivates our actions.
  7. Self awareness and sensing our true self allows us to relax and de-stress.
  8. You will take action on purpose instead of automatically.

    Peace and Love


Sunday, 15 March 2015

Ailments and Self Love

    Healing my body through emotional healing 

     I have come to believe that all illness is caused by our emotional well being. For a while I was confused as to how this could be as I'd grown up being taught that you catch illnesses from other people, some people are just allergic to things, periods are painful, childbirth is painful and accidents happen but I have found that since reading up on the emotional cause of my ailments, it always fits with my current inner feelings. Every ailment I have, I head to Google and type in the ailment along with "Louise Hay". I have times where I think it doesn't fit but as someone who has always turned inward I eventually work out that it does.


    Last year in January we became pregnant with our fifth child (my third pregnancy as two of the children are step kids) I had many of the typical pregnancy aliments. At first I believed I had them because well, I believed I would have them. I was expecting the ailments as many women share their horror stories to the point that it's now just believed that pregnancy is hard (which I now no longer believe pregnancy has to be hard) and I'm a firm believer in law of attraction and what you believe, you create. Plus I'd had ailments in my first 2 pregnancies so saw it as, "This is me and how my body reacts". However, as I Googled the ailments along with "Louise Hay" I began noticing a pattern. So much so I started to think Ms Hay had simply written pretty much the same for all illnesses and pains, I had to look through lists to realise there were other reasons for ailments that I didn't have.

    All of my pregnancy pains, illnesses and negative "symptoms" pointed to fear, not trusting the process of life, fear of the future and not wanting to move forward. I had very typical symptoms such as:
    • Heartburn: Fear
    • Joint pains: Bottled up hurt. “Arthritis is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism.  First of all, criticism of the self, and then criticism of other people.  Arthritic people often attract a lot of criticism because it is their pattern to criticize.  They are cursed with “perfectionism,” the need to be perfect at all times in every situation. ”  You Can Heal Your Life. ~ Louise Hay
    • Restless legs: Legs represent moving forward. Problems in the legs comes from fear of the future.
    • Fatigue: Chronic fatigue and other auto-immune disorders is an inner conflict between dependence and independence.
      chronic fatigue and other auto-immune disorders is an inner conflict between dependence and independence. - See more at:
     It's quite easy to think "Oh it's just pregnancy". However, if we stop and pay attention to these ailments we realise a couple of things. One thing is that there are many women all over the world who have wonderful pregnancies and births. I did a HypnoBirthing course and witnessed many women who had a beautiful, pain-free birth (and I know exactly why my birth didn't turn out the same) but within our culture, pregnancy and birth have become highly feared. This goes back into history and the suppression of women, I highly recommend HypnoBirthing to better understand that pregnancy and birth can actually be wonderful experiences and to be able to have a wonderful experience yourself. It is the fear that causes the pain.

    I was scared and was also trying to work through that fear with meditation and relaxation techniques. If you've ever been pregnant, you know that hormones are raging and every emotion you feel is times a thousand, so my stress and fear were massive. I was nesting, my partner was in-between jobs at times, then he was working commission which was never consistent, we were talking about moving house and not just any move, but we were contemplating moving to the country for the first time. We were also contemplating crazy stuff like moving to an empty block of land and building while living in a demountable or something small which just threw my stress sky high plus living in the main parts of suburbia is full of stressful energy. I had my heart set on a home birth and in the past had had my babies in hospitals. I was unsure of my home, my security and myself. When you're pregnant you just want to nest and settle and most of all, feel safe.

    My beautiful baby boy, who I love dearly, is now 6 months old. My partner is working now and loves his job, we have settled, well almost, we just need to find a home to buy.

    Gluten and Lactose Intolerance 

    I've recently found out that I'm gluten intolerant and lactose intolerant. As I came off gluten, my body was healing and toxins were coming out of my body causing other short term ailments such as mild rashes, stomach pains, abdominal pains, joint pains and more. Let's take a look at these:
    • Rash: Oversensitive, insecure, fearful.
    • Stomach problems: Dread. Fear of the new. Inability to assimilate the new.
    • Abdominal Pains: Fear. Stopping the process.
    • Allergies: WHO are you allergic to? Denying your own power.
    • Joint pains: Bottled up hurt. “Arthritis is a dis-ease that comes from a constant pattern of criticism.  First of all, criticism of the self, and then criticism of other people.  Arthritic people often attract a lot of criticism because it is their pattern to criticize.  They are cursed with “perfectionism,” the need to be perfect at all times in every situation. ”  You Can Heal Your Life. ~ Louise Hay
    • Leg Pains: Legs represent moving forward. Problems in the legs comes from fear of the future.
    I'd spoken to my friend and she had said that my symptoms point to fear of the future. I was confused thinking, "I didn't fear the future?" At first, I put it down to being too much into the now. We moved to the country we've been absolutely loving it. It's so peaceful out here! Life is at a slower pace, it's easy going and all the stresses of the city are gone. We don't have irrational stresses and fears anymore. We ask ourselves, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" We are very happy so having fear of the future didn't make sense to me.

    I sat in the car on our way home trying to contemplate what my fear of the future could be. I actually appreciate having ailments because I see it as my subconscious or my higher self trying to awaken me consciously to my automatic negative thoughts and feelings towards myself and life. It clicked. Tom and I had discussed having 2 babies, one now and another within 2 years because our youngest above our baby is 7 and we wanted our baby to have a friend. I was afraid of pregnancy and birth and knew we had it planned for our future.   

     When I got home I sat to try and sort out my fears, I thought they were all little fears compiled to create all my ailments. As I thought through I eventually came to the conclusion within myself that all of the little fears stemmed from one fear and that was, the fear of not being good enough which is also not loving myself.

    Bug Bites

    Months ago when I was pregnant, my pets got fleas. I did everything, I  bathed the pets with flea shampoo then put flea treatment on the backs of their necks, I sprinkled flea powder through the whole house, changed sheets etc. Usually less than this worked to get rid of them but every morning I'd wake up with a fresh set of bites on my legs. I checked my bed over and over and for some reason they were only biting me and not my partner! I would think maybe they were biting me through out the day as I walked around on the carpet or perhaps they liked me more because of my rich pregnancy blood haha! My fiance started saying, maybe it's all in your head. I wouldn't have it and then I looked it up.

    • Bug bites: Guilt over small things.
    I couldn't figure out what this would be but it got to the point where the bites were driving me insane, I couldn't sleep because of the itch. I stood in the shower and counted 25 bites, all insanely itchy and in desperation I turned to my guides and asked what it could be. It finally clicked, I felt guilty about the kids. I home school, I unschool and with all my aliments I was finding it hard to sit down with them during the end of my pregnancy and I became riddled with guilt. As it all clicked I realised my fiance was right, it was all in my head. I dealt with my guilt, realised I was still doing more than enough for my children and I had no more new bites and the old ones were gone in no time!


    These are just a few of my personal examples. I have found my ailments always fit with the emotional reasons Louise Hay or others give and when I deal with them they get better or disappear altogether. This is just my personal experience which I'm sharing in hopes to help others. I'm an advocate for looking within and taking time to love yourself.

    The one thing that I always conclude to whether it be that I'm experiencing an ailment, physical pain or emotional pain from past, present or future is that it always comes down to that I'm not loving myself enough. So here's to knowing we are enough, we are amazing and we are worthy. I love me and I hope you love you! I'm grateful for the wake up call of ailments and negative emotions to remind me to practice self love.


    Life is Like a Video Game

    If I were to be on the Television show, “My Strange Addiction” mine would be my obsession of deep thinking towards life. Too bad I'm slack about writing it all down and sharing it here. I always plan to write here during my times of deep contemplation, those plans just don't come to fruition too often.

    Through out my contemplating I also like to read and research my thoughts as well as meditate and connect to my guides. I always ponder upon why I'm here, who am I? What's my purpose? Although I've had answers, those answers don't satisfy me for long. I'm like a 4 year old going through their “why?” stage and every answer I receive, I still reply with “Why?”

    We are oneness having an experience. We are consciousness itself experiencing itself and becoming aware of itself. We are here to experience and have fun. When we are born we have chosen to forget that we are divine energy and the negativity we go through is to push us to question who we are, life itself and awaken to remembering our true selves, through this process of forgetting and remembering we appreciate ourselves as divine. God is all there is, has been and ever will be, God is the energy or the source of all creation. We are God.

    Even after all these epiphanies which I didn't just hear in my head, but also felt and understood in my heart, there's me still going, “But why?” I'm sure my guides are sick of me by now...

    So last night, once again for the millionth time, I asked my guide, “Why am I here?” I guess those answers didn't quite satisfy me because I've gone through a lot in my life. And I get it, what I've gone through has pushed me to ask questions, deep spiritual questions which have allowed me to remember and experience being my true self. I guess really, when I ask, why I'm here I want my guides to tell me what to do with my life, I want some big, amazing quest to go on but I keep getting, “You are already whole as you are, you are the divine having an experience.” “Let go, just be”. While these are beautiful answers, I don't quite know what I want to do any more (as in, which “career” to pursue) hence why I keep asking the same questions that I already have answers for. Doh!

    My guides are light beings, they are patient and loving so to humor me once more they answered my question. “You are the energy of all there is, manifested into you to have an experience”. Now, I swear my inner child must be about 4 because without fail my reply was, “But why?” My guides replied, “Why do people create and play video games?”

    Let's back up a little here, allow me to explain why my guides would use this analogy. Firstly, I'm a gamer so this is relatable to me. Secondly, through my spiritual practice I've realised I am not my thoughts, feelings or actions. I am that which is aware of those. Just like playing a game in first person, you're not that character, you're the being behind it. Thirdly, I found a couple of explanations of what happens when we die recently and they really satisfied me, one was “It's like waking up from a dream”.The other was, “Life is like looking through a kaleidoscope and when you die, it's like coming away from that kaleidoscope and realising that wasn't you.

    My first thought after my guides asked why people play video games was “Okay, I'm just nuts, it's just me now, my guides wouldn't say that”. Then once I got over the initial shock and denial, it clicked. Life is like a video game. We play to have fun, which is why we're here and as a side note, we go through negativity and hardships to push us to grow and remember who we truly are, we're quite satisfied with ourselves when we push through our ordeals. Even in video games we push ourselves through boring quests, scary monsters and practice the same thing over and over to better ourselves. These are definitely the moments that I become self aware and wonder why I'm playing a game and yet am bored out of my brain.

    Also there's a question that everyone has, “Is life pre-destined or do we have free will?” Of course, as a deep analyzer of life, I asked this question and I have found, that parts of our life are pre-destined and other parts we have free will. However, the pre-destined parts of our life we can still choose not to follow. Did you know we choose our parents before we're born? Couldn't change that one.

    This is like a role playing game, depending which one you play, you can choose the appearance of your character, you choose your race, perhaps a human, dwarf or elf and which one you choose may also influence where you start in the world. You choose male or female, skin colour, hair colour, facial features, body type etc. After you're satisfied with your character's appearance, it's on to choosing your role, will you be a leader, a supporter or protector? Perhaps you will choose to support yourself and your friends with magic. You choose your name, hit the “Create” button and voila, there's your character in the world. From your initial choices, part of your path is pre-destined, you're a magic dealer, you're a support class, you're perhaps an elf and female. As you go out into the world and level up, you can make new choices to go with the ones you chose before you clicked the create button. You may choose to use fire magic or frost, you may choose to follow and complete quests, play against other players, run through and complete dungeons, explore the world and/or build your expertise in your chosen professions.

    Of course this is tiny compared to life but just like a video game, our birth date, name, appearance and parents are all picked out before we're born plus our birth date and name influence our numerology and personality. It's also said that we have already planned main events for our lives before we come here.

    I can see that I chose my childhood, so to speak and this influenced me to be with my first partner, which I then became a gamer and if it wasn't for becoming a gamer the relationship I've now established with my twin flame would not have worked. Everything I've experienced and chosen up until now has created my current experience.

    Also, science is discovering it's as though we are within a hologram and being a part of that “hologram” the whole universe is within us just as the whole of a hologram is in each piece of it. Theorists are saying that nothing is outside of us, everything is in our minds. Perhaps our lives are more like a game than we think.

    So here we are, the energy and consciousness of all playing with form to create us. Let's have fun and play with our experience! 


    Tuesday, 10 February 2015

    How Far I've Come

    Recently I had many goals in mind and had forgotten to be grateful. When I forget to be grateful I tend to fall into negative thought patterns, wanting to change everything with the background thought of “Once all my goals are achieved, I'll be happy” Instead of realising that to be happy I just need to remember how lucky I am. Over the years I've learned there's a fine line between working towards goals and being grateful. I've also learned through experience that to attract what you want, you have to be grateful for what you have.

    As it hit me that I was over due to practice some gratitude, I began to think of all that I have, instead of what I don't. I thought back to how my life had been in the past to how it is now and remembered what I had wanted in the past and many of those wants I've attracted and created. I couldn't believe how far I've come and I also couldn't believe that I'd been ungrateful and had begun feeling as though I needed more to be happy.

    I grew up with abuse, my childhood was a mess. My mum was, for lack of a better word, psycho. People would meet her and ask me how I'd turned out so normal. I'm not joking! When I was 16 I continued the pattern by dating someone who was also psycho. He was a psychopath, very deceitful and manipulative. He emotionally and financially abused me for 6 and a half years and we had 2 children. He threatened suicide when I tried to leave, he did many things to stop me from seeing my friends and family and he squashed me and my self esteem. When I finally escaped the situation, I met someone else. Once again, I was controlled, manipulated and treated badly. That relationship lasted 8 months.

    When I was 19 I had begun my journey into spirituality. By the time I'd gone through 2 bad relationships, it was time to love myself. I'd practiced self love before but this time, being single, I had no one to try and push me down. I meditated regularly and was grateful towards myself, I focused on my strengths to gain self love. I let go of needing anyone else to love me and knew the person I needed to love me, was me.

    I fell in love with a man who is strong and confident, who is spiritual and not afraid to show his feminine side. He's funny and loyal, he listens and cares, he gives me a shoulder to cry on and picks me up when I'm down. He raises my self esteem and best of all, we treat each other with love and respect.

    All of the toxic people from my past are gone! I'm surrounded by people who have my best interest at heart and who I have the best interest at heart for. I no longer have people who try to push me around, disrespect me or treat me in any way unfairly.

    It's been 4 years since I met my fiance and he's all the things I ever wanted in a relationship, my children are all happy and confident, I home school my kids and every day is wonderful. I practice loving myself everyday by being grateful towards myself and accepting me for who I am and I can see now that I am surrounded by loving people, I've changed my life by loving myself first and building my confidence. I meditated on peace and happiness and now I have it. I changed my vibration and energy to stop attracting toxic people. I'm so proud of myself and how far I've come.

    How to change your life too:

    1. Meditate and relax. Give yourself permission to take some time out. Meditation has many benefits, I love to regularly turn inward to correct any negativity towards myself and talk to my guides and higher self.
    2. Be grateful. Remind yourself of how lucky you are, compare your life to those worse off than you, recognise how far you've come, feel the bliss of gratitude.
    3. Love and accept yourself. Practice gratitude towards you. Know that you are an amazing, unique expression of life itself. Look into the mirror and say out loud, “I love you”.
    4. Be specific about what you want, know and trust that your wants and desires are manifesting but don't rely on them for happiness. Use steps 1-3 to find your inner happiness and 4 will take care of itself.

    I share my story in hopes of helping others to find self love and happiness. If you enjoyed my post, please follow me :)